Misbah’s Mistake – the T20 Final

 

Misbah thought he was sending the ball to a place where there was no one. He did not know that there is a Malayali in every corner of the world ...!!!

Teaching a guy to cook and other horrors

In my pursuit of aggregating* content this is a wonderful piece written by a senior** blogger… it is certainly a treat to read it. You can read more of Anjali's wonderful posts on her blog http://poomanam.blogspot.com

* If you notice most of my posts are wonderful articles picked up from the TIMES of India.
** Senior because she is blogging since 2005.. I am yet learning the 'A's & the 'B' s.
Now you enjoy the reading…….. thanks Anjali for penning your experience... i am yet to graduate to the higher grades of cooking.. have got through the chapatis, omelette's & cooking Maggi...

Teaching a guy to cook and other horrors

Teaching guys cooking is like pulling your tooth out without anesthesia.

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After successfully teaching many a cousin brother to cook and explaining to them for the 284762468 th time that "No"my mom wont be a better or more patient teacher than me, I think I have found a fool proof method of teaching guys cooking. Here are the necessary ingredients to make a successful guy-cook.

1 guy (preferably willing to learn to cook)
1 clean kitchen
1 tape recorder (to record everything that happens during the class in case you need to defend yourself in court one day)
Several Calmpose tablets
One or 2 bottles of strong liquor incase the Calmpose doesn't kick in early enough.
(If you can't get the Calmpose without prescription, bribe the pharmacist with promises of marrying his daughter/son. It always works)


Now get out of the clean kitchen as fast as possible and set up a gas stove in an open area preferably a football ground, but far away from schools, hospitals and military installations. Make sure the guy has medical insurance, vehicle insurance and life insurance. The medical insurance will take care of his medical bills after he eats what he cooks. The vehicle insurance will make sure he doesn't make excuses to come late for classes like, 'I got caught by the cops because I had no Vehicle Insurance". Of course this clairvoyant cop has a personal vendetta against this particular cousin and so on every cookery class day catches him without fail. The Life Insurance will make sure that his next of kin get back his college tuition fees in case of his unfortunate demise due to food poisoning. Make sure he doesn't have an engineering degree. Among my cousins the engineers are the worst cooking students. They argue too much, use expletives like "I'll think I will watch while you cook first" and "I will have a beer while you demonstrate" or worse "Why don't you cook and we will tell you how each dish turned out".

Among my students I remember a cousin, Suresh a first year MBBS student in St Johns Medical College , Bangalore. Suresh wanted to learn to make omelet or fry an egg for breakfast. He had an electric stove and a non stick pan which he mostly used to keep his bike keys and other miscellaneous articles. After an unfortunate accident though he had to discontinue cookery classes and rely on the Hospital canteen. I still remember the day:

Suresh: I have bought you some spirit from the lab. Very good for removing nail polish my Chechi (elder sister) says.
Me: "So sweet of you."
I liberally apply some on my nails. Quite effective.
Me:"Da listen, how much did you have to pay for this? I don't want you spending your pocket money on purchasing stuff for me ok?"
Suresh: "Oh it's free Chechi, I just filled up this bottle from the tank".
Me: Tank?? What tank?
Suresh: "The tank where they keep the dead bodies."
Me: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

Six months after the incident, I still use fork and spoon and knife to eat. Of course I had to temporarily give up cooking for some time too. But there were plus points. The stray dogs now look at me with a lot of respect. Though I don't know why they drop their tails and slink away the moment they see me. Anyway no more medical student cousins I have decided. I think I will let a more experienced Mom handle them.

Ok so here are some facts I have learnt after teaching a motley group of cousin brothers the basics of cooking. I hope you gals find it informative and migrate to the US or marry a chef or take up transcendental meditation instead of trying to teach a guy to cook.

· You can teach guys to cook however you CANNOT teach them to clean up after them.

· You Must enlighten them that it is necessary to have a stove to cook.

· And also that it is necessary to have utensils to cook.

· You have to listen with sympathetic understanding when they say that they never noticed the above two points at home.

· After every culinary success the guys will say "Cooking! It's so easy. It's like Chemistry. You have just got to put the right ingredients and its ready ha ha ha."

· After every culinary failure they throw their arms and the cutlery in the air exclaiming, "If I want to eat home cooked food I will get married hmph"

· Before every Sunday cooking session they will have beer, which they will buy at the eleventh hour and then insist on keeping it in the freezer and 'waiting' for it to chill.

· You have to gently point out that Beer is not recommended when you are learning to hold a knife for the very first time.

· You have to firmly tell them "You CANNOT put whiskey into every non veg dish to ENHANCE the taste."

· You must repeat for the 284762468th time or longer that washing hands is not enough; you HAVE to wash the vegetables too.

· You have to emphasize that it is not wise to turn the gas on and then sprint across to the grocery store to buy a matchbox.

· You also have to emphasize that while he is at the grocery store it would NOT be a good idea to stop and have a smoke before he gets back to the kitchen.

· And that if he does have that cigarette at the grocery store and then gets back to the kitchen, then it would be very wise to wear fireproof clothing before lighting the matchbox.

· You have to explain that going for a movie while the chicken is cooking is not a good idea.

· You have to also explain that asking the girl friend to learn cooking can be potentially dangerous to his relationship or lack of it.

· You must assure them that they need not be formally dressed to cook.

· And that they don't have to be in a state of near undress because the cooking is a hot and sweaty job.

· And that blaring music louldy will drown out important instructions like "Your shirt is on fire"

· You have to remind him that he MUST put water into the pan if he is trying to boil the egg.

· Also remind him that he cannot pass off your cooking as his when the fiancée is visiting because she knows that he cannot even boil an egg.

· You must smile and say "I know Chetta that inserting the lid on the Hawkins pressure cooker is tricky." Don't yell " THEN WHY THE HECK DID YOU BUY IT WITHOUT ASKING ME?"(Because you know the answer to that one. The sales girl was pretty)

· Give him a hint that making jokes to his friends on the mobile on how he is trying to humor his little cousin sister by pretending to learn to cook can be dangerous, especially if that little cousin sister is in the vicinity holding a very sharp knife.

· And that Fish fry is good, but you have to clean them first. And 'NO" he cannot send them over to your house to be cleaned ( and preferably cooked).

· Tell them patiently that they can't call you every time they have to put salt in a dish. Last time I had to make an entire group of people on a teleconference wait while I patiently explained that two teaspoons of salt would be too much for one fried egg.

· You have got to teach them that egg shells don't walk themselves into the dustbin and that the stink in the kitchen is not a dead rat but the egg that had fallen under the refrigerator last week and is now peacefully decomposing under the fridge.

· And 'NO' having a dog will not take care of aforementioned problems.

· Let them know that leftovers can lead to high attrition rates among maids.

· You must tell them that the printouts of recipes you email them can get smudged if you use them to wipe hands.

· And that laminating these printouts would be a very good idea indeed.

· You have to bite back that expletive when he tells you flippantly that he is going to get married anyway and then in all probability he will not have to cook, after you have taken him step after laborious step of making a Biryani. Don't wail "Then why oh why did you waste my precious Sunday????" (Because you know the answer to that one too. Saturdays are for nursing hangovers)
Pity I don't get Mondays off to do the same because after that remark I feel like washing the Calmpose tablets down my throat with the strongest available liquor.

· Tell them strictly that calling you 'kunjumole'* and 'chakkare'* will not get them off the hook after they had burnt the biryani you asked them to watch over because they and their pals suddenly felt like a game of one day cricket at the BCC ground next to Bethany School. Let them know that a bottle of very dry white wine will make you feel indulgent enough not to empty the burnt biryani over their collective heads.

( * mallu endearments used to placate supposedly stupid cousin sisters after you have done some act of $#^@&(#%@ stupidity yourself).

· You have to let him know that not having his mom/sister in Bangalore is no excuse for forgetting a cousin sister's birthday. Especially since she is on the verge on mental breakdown teaching him cook. And that a potato peeler is a not a very good idea of a belated birthday present.

10 Types of Bosses You Need to Avoid

by Amused and Bemused, October 22, 2006

My boss has been really been bugging me lately. I think I spend more of my day thinking about how to avoid him than I spend working on the stuff he needs from me. So, for this week's article, I had the bright idea of giving you some sage advice on the types of bosses you need to avoid. The chances of someone getting a great boss are about as slim as my man-boobs suddenly changing into rippling pecs, so I thought this idea would be helpful to many.

So here's my advice on the 10 Types of Bosses You Should Avoid, as demonstrated with the help of toilets:

10. Avoid the Boss That Has No Personal Life (This boss suffers from "everyone should suffer like me" syndrome.)

There are bosses out there that have little in their lives besides work and don't respect the fact that others do. To avoid facing the empty and joyless lives they have, they typically glorify work as if it's the only thing worth doing.
These bosses will not hesitate to ask you to work on Poker Night or cancel your family vacation to Vegas. You can tell you have one of these bosses if you see them running to the crapper, bringing along a memo to read, so they don't miss a second of work time.

If you have one of these work all the time types, go find a new boss or watch your life dry up like dog poop in the sun. (toilet here)

9. Avoid the Boss That Wants to Piss All Over You
( This boss suffers from "if I am nasty, no one will notice I am stupid" syndrome.)

There are bosses out there who don't know how to say "thank you" or "great job". Silent when you perform and deliver well, they are the first to publicly berate you with a warm stream of criticism for the slightest goof or mistake. Fearful of being discovered for the failures that they are, they will leap at the chance to make others look bad. Showers of abuse are what they provide.
If you have one of these full of piss bosses, leave them or your self-respect will become smaller than the nuts of a man who just joined with the ice swimming Polar Bears club. (toilet here)

8. Avoid the Boss That Constantly Clowns Around
( This boss suffers from "I am a laughing fool" syndrome.)

When you first meet this type of boss, you'll think they're great. You love the idea of having a fun boss to work with at first. Only when you've been with them a while do you realize that they are having too much fun to do any work. They are the ones spending all their work hours looking for a new gag to play or titillating gossip to spread around. Since they have little time to actually do their jobs, you will end up staying late every night to finish up their work.
If you have a joker for a boss, you need to run far away from that circus. (toilet here)

7. Avoid the Boss That Struggles to Stay Afloat(This boss suffers from "I am drowning in my own incompetence" syndrome.)

Some managers are merely around to prove that the Peter Principle (that you get promoted until you get a job you can't do well and get stuck there) is alive and well in corporate America. Clueless as to how to do their job and afraid to admit it, they are always looking for someone to save them.
Watch out as these bosses will surely cover up their incompetence by taking credit for your work and quickly toss you over to explain away their missed deadlines and bad decisions.
If you have one these bosses, don't keep throwing them a life raft. Just let them flail around until they run out of energy and let them drown. (toilet here)

6. Avoid the Boss That Constantly Blows His Own Horn ( This boss suffers from "if I say I am great enough times, it'll be true" syndrome.)

These bosses believe that if no one is saying anything nice about them, they should fill the void by creating loud fanfare about themselves.
They are usually the ones who will tell you that the company can't survive without them. Needing constant polishing and buffing, they surround themselves with people who will support their delusions of grandeur. You can tell you have one of these bosses, if it feels like you are expected to start a parade every time they successfully go to the bathroom.
If you have one of these bosses, tell them that you will no longer be part of the show and a member of their failing band. (toilet here)

5. Avoid the Boss That Is Always Competing With You(This boss suffers from "I need to prove I am not the weakest link" syndrome.)

Have you ever had a boss that makes everything a competition?
These are the jerks that can't just be happy with the fact that they rule over your workday. They need to get the daily ego boost of winning, even it's just proving they can eat a sandwich faster than you.
Had a nice weekend, he had a better one. Bought yourself a flat-screen tv, his is bigger. Leased a new BMW? Hers is a Porsche. These are the bosses who can't go to the bathroom without covertly peeking over to your urinal to see if you would win the "whose the biggest in the locker room" test.
If you have one these bosses, drop out as a contestant in their biggest loser marathon. (Toilet here via BoingBoing)

4. Avoid the Boss That's All Talk
(This boss suffers from "diarrhea of the mouth" syndrome, constantly spewing dribble until nothing is left.)

These are the bosses that walk around telling everyone their pathetically unfunny story or joke of the day. They are the ones that need to take over every meeting, forcing everyone to swallow their bull. For these bosses, sucking up time is what they do best. These big mouths also tend to be backstabbing hypocrites, telling you how great you areto your face as they snicker over your latest goof with everyone else in the office.

If you have one these bosses, tell them to shut their big gaping trap and tell their story to someone else. (toilet here)

3. Avoid the Boss That's Always on the Go
(This boss suffers from "if I pretend to be busy, you'll find someone else" syndrome )

There are bosses that are zipping around, never in one place long enough to actually do any work. These bosses often travel a lot and complain about it but find every opportunity to get out of the office. With the frenzy that surrounds them and their packed appointment book, there is no time to spare for a lowly slug like you. They are very good at delegating tasks and you are unsure as to whether they can do anything else but shove more work on you as they leave the office for one more trip.

If you have one these bosses, use them for inspiration and zip yourself go somewhere else. (toilet here)

2. Avoid the Boss That's Obsessed with Sex(This boss suffers from "I never get any at home so all I can do is talk ABOUT IT" syndrome. )

Every workplace seems to have the office letch. The pig that has to leer and make a sexual comments every time someone attractive walks by. They are the first to note that a "sweater" is nice, as they stare at your breasts or tell you they are waiting for a big "package" to be delivered, as they lick their lips and look at your crotch.

It's bad enough to have to deal with them at work but it's unbearable when they are your boss. Trying to look up your skirt when you're crossing your legs if you're hot (or making you feel like a cow chip if you are not), they can be relied upon to offer blush-worthy commentary on everything. You can tell you have one of these bosses if everything they say is filled with sexual innuendo and they even talk about the toilet as some sexual conquest.

If you have let's talk dirty boss, you should get another. It will only be a matter of time before you participate in the lewd talk to fit in, only to find charges of sexual harassment brought against you. Your boss will be too important to fire but you won't be. (toilet here via Porcelain Poetry)

1. Avoid the Boss That Will Eat You Alive(This boss suffers from "I was a nerd in high school but now I can be a bully" syndrome.)

There are those bosses that are simply terrors to work with. Impatient, nasty and mean, they dismiss all of your contributions and belittle you at every turn.
These bosses are great yellers, and when you think of them, all you can think of is a big snarling mouth. This type of boss won't hesitate to throw a tantrum, scream profanities as they smash things around the office and hurl books and pencils at you.
If you have a man-eating boss, you need to break free from their nasty grasp. Life is too short to work for someone that's not even worthy of licking your toilet bowl...so flush them away like the turds they are. (toilet here)

Well, you have now been through the 10 Types of Bosses You Need to Avoid. I am sure I have only touched the dirty surface of the bosses we've all had to work with.

Source: http://inventorspot.com

Black Box

If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

distance of 32 km in just seven minutes

100 plus legislators went to China- on a study trip with the possible objective to emulate their progress and success mantra in Karnatka. Please read on what was finally their report after spending Rs. 6 crores.

After spending Rs 6 crore public money on a study tour in China, 100-plus legislators on their return have expressed helplessness in emulating the Chinese development model. Reason: lack of political will here.

Dedication, sincerity and political will to deliver are the hallmarks of China's development. This is what our netas learnt during their 12-day China trip.

Visit to one of the world's largest steel companies, Bao Steel Company, cruising in high-speed Maglev train, a visit to hightech development zone and cities like Beijing, Xian, Nanjing, Shanghai and to Yantze river project have given the legislators a rich experience. Dazzled by China's progress in infrastructure, the legislators wondered: "We are 300 in number. Can't we be as efficient as the Chinese are?'' But they were quick to admit that everything was politicised here. "Even the school development monitoring committees are not spared," a legislator said.

In China, nothing comes in the way of development. MLC Shashil G Namoshi remarked: "When it comes to development, caste, religion and god are absent. A single-party rule and the government's commitment to its policies have made China one of the top countries.''

One more reason why China is far ahead. MLA K Chandrashekar noted that villages had agro-industries that suited their crops, which were different from those in city economic zones.

The magnetic train that runs 400 kmph also had a lesson for them. "The train connects Shanghai City to Shanghai International Airport, a distance of 32 km, in just seven minutes,'' an excited Chandrashekar said. "The Chinese mantra is work.''

In Bangalore- we r constructing a new airport which is as good as 30 km away from the city. Is anybody hearing… they r covering the distance of 32 km in seven minutes…. only seven

Doing a 1991 on our education system

by GURCHARAN DAS in the ALL THAT MATTERS 'Men and Ideas" of the Times Of India

A friend of mine, who hikes frequently in the Himalayas, showed me a solar torch the other day which gives light for seven hours before you need to recharge it in the sun. It has a hook for hanging and can light up a small room. My friend uses it for camping. But what a boon, i thought, for our 250,000 villages without electricity and the millions of school children who can't do homework at night and village women who fear walking after dark. I googled the maker of the torch and discovered an inspiring story about how to be both a good and an effective human being.

Mark Bent, an American, worked for 20 years in Africa and saw the waste behind government aid programs. He came home and invented what he calls the BoGo solar torch. BoGo means 'Buy One, Give One'. When you buy one flashlight for Rs 1,000, Mark gives one at half price to NGOs in Africa, who give it to villagers at a nominal price. Mark makes the torches in China to keep costs low. The story is remarkable not because Mark is a 'do-gooder' but because he has found an innovative and sustainable way to profit from the rich and benefit the poor. Rich campers bring light to African villagers. I hope some NGO in India will google Mark and begin distributing these torches here.

Now, why couldn't one of our boys or girls invent and market this lamp? The answer, of course, is our education system, which stifles all creativity through rote learning. It was modelled on the British system, but the British have moved on and reformed theirs, partly under American inspiration. But our kids are still stuck in a world of cramming and coaching classes. The disease lies in the lack of autonomy. The ministry of HRD and its children, University Grants Commission (UGC) and All India Council for Technical Education (AICTE) have a stranglehold. A college cannot decide what courses to teach, what fees to charge and what salaries to pay its professors. How could creativity emerge from this servitude? Creating new universities, as the PM proposes, is not the answer unless you give them autonomy.

Forget creativity, Indian companies are frightened by the shortage of basic skills which is currently driving up salaries unhealthily. Of the 400,000 new engineers that graduate each year, roughly 100,000 have the skills to enter the job market. It is tragic that over 400,000 students strive for 6,000 IIT and IIM seats annually. The answer, of course, is to increase the supply of good colleges. As it is, we lose 160,000 students to foreign universities and parents pay $3 billion in fees and costs. Indian 'edupreneurs' and foreign universities have repeatedly tried to start high quality campuses but the HRD ministry's 'licence raj' drives them away. AICTE even wants to close down the prestigious, private Indian School of Business which offers a better education than an IIM. The draft foreign universities bill doesn't provide autonomy either and ensures that no decent foreign university will enter India.

Our education system is our Achilles heel and we will not spawn Mark Bents until we do a 1991 on HRD and unbind India's education. Meanwhile, I console myself in knowing that there are individuals like my friend, N S Raghavan, who is using part of his Infosys fortune to incubate entrepreneurs at the IIM Bangalore. He will make a difference and modest breakthroughs like Mark Bent's will contribute more to human happiness than either the massive aid programmes of governments or the soul-killing mediocrity of our universities.

Source: Times of India- September 9th 2007, Men & Ideas, GURCHARAN DAS